Don’t try this at home…

We all have those moments where we think, “Gee that was a bonehead move.”  Okay, well I have those moments where I think, “gee, that was a bonehead move.”  Over the years, I’ve learned to laugh at myself, and to not be offended when others are laughing at myself too.  To try to believe what my mother would always tell me, “Sherry, (yes she named me after liquor which might explain a few things) we are not laughing at you, we are laughing with you.”  Liar.  They were all laughing at me. Which is okay.  I’ve come to accept this and it’s made me who I am today.

The reason I’m revisiting these old memories is because it happened again just yesterday.  That little brainstorm of an idea that I fleetingly think, “THIS is brilliant!”  “Yes, this WILL work, problem solved.”

Last night I was moonlighting at my second of three jobs, giving a well-deserving client a wonderful relaxing massage.  While they were face-down in dream land, I’m busying myself with important things like reading the quotes hanging on my office walls, thinking about what I want for dinner, checking my breath.  Checking my breath you say?  Why yes, who wants a massage therapist breathing down on their face with nasty halitosis.  Usually I always pop an altoid in my mouth before I breathe on anyone.  Last night I was out of altoids.  No breath savers, no gum, only a small table full of essential oils. 

I started to get obsessed with my carbon dioxide output.  I mentally went over what I had to eat that day.  Coffee, garlic caesar salad, chocolate, more coffee.  That was it.  Oh geez.  I very stealthily cupped my hand over my mouth and tried to test my breath.  Try doing this while giving a massage without them noticing.  Yea, well I’m good at it.  And yes, my breath could’ve knocked over a lineman for the Oregon Ducks (had to mention them with the BCS championship coming up)

So, here comes my first bonehead move of 2011.  I preface this by saying I’ve been watching way too much reality TV, the show of the moment is, “My Strange Addiction.” Every night I stare glassy-eyed at the television while young girls eat strange items like laundry detergent and chalk.  And nothing detrimental seems to happen to them!  So, then I glanced over at my essential oils, the peppermint one in particular and thought, “What the heck, we have peppermint lifesavers, peppermint tea, peppermint gum…”  Before I knew it, I was downing drops of peppermint essential oil in the hopes of freshening my putrid breath so as not to offend my comatose client. 

Did you read the title of this post?  DO NOT TRY THIS PEOPLE.  My mouth started to burn, my eyes started to water, my lips went numb.  My essential oil essentially made me really pissed off.  There are people out there drinking laundry soap for Pete’s sake and living to tell about it on national television and I’m going to die a slow death in my office because of a few measly drops of essential oil.

Well, I didn’t die and I lived to tell the tale.  First lesson learned of the new year.  Only put store-bought, ready to grab items at the check-out counter like gum, colorful mints and teeny-weeny bottles of Scope into my mouth when trying not to repulse the masses.

I can now rest easy knowing that 2011 has been christened with my first official bonehead move and I can erase from my memory 2010’s version when I tried to iron out the packaging bumps in my brand new nylon area rug.  Yep, I now own a not-so-brand new area rug with a classic iron print in the middle of it.  Nylon will melt my friends, do not try this at home  🙂

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2 Responses to Don’t try this at home…

  1. Sean says:

    haha ah man, the iron story. You’ve got a lot of great stories 🙂 Looking forward to many more in years to come 🙂

  2. Poul Stefansen says:

    You were really named after alcohol!? Great post, very funny 🙂 Is the moral of this story to not taste essential oils, or to always have Altoids handy? That’s the real question

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