Falling from 14 Hands

We’ve all heard that expression, “If you fall off the horse, ya gotta just get right back on again.”  What about if the horse is big and wild and scary?  This is how I would describe my latest distraction, Internet dating.  I call it a distraction because it kind of consumes you.  After years of sitting alone on Friday and Saturday nights and going to parties dateless I finally succumbed to the propaganda of online dating.  I was being bombarded by friends’ advice, television commercials, emails and that hovering statistic that 97% of people now find their mate online.  Okay, that stat is totally made up, but I know it’s a large percentage of people.

So off I went, saddled up and looking for green pasture.    I found the most flattering pictures I could, some were 20 pounds ago.  Is that misrepresentation?  Some were yesterday, so take that you naysayers, it all evens out.  I then sat down to write about myself.  For someone who likes to write, that was actually a tough one.  Um…”I like tennis and golf and hiking…I do crosswords….I make earrings…”  Guys read that and think BORING! So I had to throw in the parts about liking tequila shots and dancing naked in the living room and howling at the full moon.  Okay, maybe not so much, tequila yes, dancing certainly and I have to be provoked to howl but I couldn’t bring myself to write that.  That’s something they have to figure out on their own.

And they certainly have tried to.  It all starts with the “winking” and the “emails” and the “I like your profile… please respond.”  The first two weeks of online dating I felt like the most popular girl at the ball.  I thought, wow, I must’ve done really well with my photos and profile.  And then I realized I was just a new face among hundreds.  Let’s try the new girl, maybe she’ll respond….

So, that’s the operative word….respond…who in this plethora of Y genes catches my fancy?  Well, because you see their photo first, that’s naturally the first thing you will be attracted or not attracted to.  All I could think of is, why do they look so old?  The last time I dated I was in my 20’s, everyone rode the hot tamale train.  Now, I’m attracting men on Medicare.  Ugh.  So, I had to have a little heart to heart with myself.  Now Sharon, look beyond the outside package…it’s all about what’s on the inside right?  Let me clue you in here… 18 or 80 men still have one three-letter word on their mind.  Lay.  That’s not the word you thought I meant is it?  Well, had to keep you guessing.  It basically comes down to the same thing.  They want to lay you down, lay it on you, lay lady lay.  Sorry to Eric Clapton for that one.

So without going into any details about my actual dates,  I’ve fallen off the dang dating horse, dented my already bruised heart and wonder if this roller coaster online ride is for me.  But, as my opening quote suggests…. I must get back on the horse and look for that green pasture.  Besides, I have a month left on my membership.

So now, I’m going to go drink a glass of  fitting wine, check to see who my future heartache or heart-throb might be and ride that pony.

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